Saturday, October 10, 2009

Child Custody - Australia

This is my blog Child Custody laws and why they should be repealed.

My name is Cynthia,

I am separated from my partner of 9 years. We have two children, a 7 year old boy and a 3 year old girl.

My ex wants shared care for our son for 5 days out of 14, and for now because of her age he is happy to keep seing our daughter two days a fortnight.

I feel really uncomfortable about shared care and don't think it is natural for my son to be away from me for so long.

I am looking for online forums, email lists and things like that of women in similar situations to me who are sick of these stupid new family laws and want to do something for their kids.

So far my ex has asked me to attend a family relationship centre for mediation. I refused. I don't think we have anything to mediate. I am not going to be forced into something that is bad for my kids.

But I need help from other mothers.


  1. I wish I had something to say that was of practical help! I feel for you and your children - I would not like to be in your shoes as you face this.

    It's interesting how fashions change - once any separation from a mother was just looking for lasting damage, and now, in the interests
    of 'being fair' any separation is considered to have nil impact.

    The trouble is, I fear that research will lag years behind the damage, and then there'll be another lag before findings are implemented.

    I'm so sorry you're facing these brick walls.

  2. You seem to have a completely irrational arguement there.

    I hope your son grows up to hate you for your selfish attitude

  3. quote "This is my blog Child Custody laws and why they should be repealed." so far, in 3 months your arguement for repealing Family Law has been
    a) poor information provided by media on child homicides
    b) a resounding belief that the natural actions of your son constitute Child Sexual Abuse
    c) a big bitch session about your ex husband

    I have not once read here a concern about your children from a natural point of view, just hysterical rantings. I have not seen you quote one piece of legislation and describe how it is at fault.

    I have to ask why any mother would be bathing a 7 year old boy. And watching what that child does with his penis. I suppose you are still breast feeding him also.

  4. You need psychiatric help, and you don't get it, there is a good chance your kids will need it. If you had sound argument, mediation would not be an issue now, would it?
    I suspect you know that a mediator would not side with you, surely that has to give some sort of clue as to the wisdom, or lack thereof, of your parenting ideals.

  5. If you want to do something positive for your kids, try encouraging a relationship with both parents. Try setting a good example by working for what you receive. It is proven that parents on welfare raise kids that will grow up to be adults on welfare. The only thing to be afraid of is that they may see you for what you are, and they WILL.

  6. I've read several of your blogs, and, frankly, I'm hoping it's a parody, or something. I want to address a couple of things, in case it isn't. First, a mediator doesn't take sides. It's their job to not take sides. They will, however, play the devil's advocate with you. They'll also end the mediation if you become so obstinate that the flow of resolution is dammed. Why waste their time if you aren't interested in resolving the issue?

    Second, are you calling yourself a feminist? If you're for real, you subscribe to traditional gender roles, are a stay-at-home-mom, and aren't self-sufficient. If you consider yourself to be a feminist, STOP. Seriously. Feminism is about women being equal to men. Not better, not worse, equal.

    Third, you have a son. He may, or may not, have a wife and children, in his future. If he does, and he gets divorced, are you going to side with his ex-wife, if she decides to a) falsely accuse him of child molestation, b) refuse him access to his children, and c) acts like she's doing him some big fucking favor by "allowing" him to speak to his own flesh and blood children on the phone? Are you going to look him in the eye, and tell him, "Well, women deserve complete control over the children, because they have a vagina, and that automatically makes them better nurturers"?

    Fourth, if you have to lie to get what you want, shouldn't that tell you it's not the right thing? Are you asking the children what they want? Have you looked at actual studies on what's in their best interest, or are you only concentrating on what's in your best interest?

    Fifth, obviously, you're hurt, and angry, and afraid that your kids are going to like your ex more than you, since he does fun things with them, and you only have day-to-day stuff with them. I get that. But, if you only had them half the time, picked up a job, you could probably afford to level out the fun stuff with the day-to-day stuff. As could he. Kids need boundaries, and discipline. Your ex would figure that out, very quickly, and you could both be in equal standing. Personally, I think you need counseling to get over your fears.

    And, finally, I'm a woman. I'm telling you this as someone who loved her father very much, and gained a lot by being around him. He wasn't a great husband, and sometimes, not the most responsible father, but he showed me important things. He let me understand that people are human, and don't always make the right decisions, but that's part of the learning process. I promise you, you're making mistakes. You aren't perfect. Stop doing this to your kids. Stop making them wonder when the next time they'll see their father will be. Stop putting yourself first. Isn't it better for them to feel loved by more people, rather than less?

    I know this is falling on deaf ears, but I wish it weren't the case. For your kids' sake, I wish it weren't the case.